Arlen Ring, Ph.D.
20501 Ventura Blvd. Suite 395
Woodland Hills, CA 91364

818 999-0581

Serving San Fernando Valley & Los Angeles.

If you are a couple, be it marriage or otherwise and you are somehow not getting what you need from each other, couples counseling can help. If hurting each other goes on too long, love can be lost. I can help you reach each other. If angry words, hurt, blame and shutting down are pushing love out of your relationship, I can help you find each other in the confusion.

If one or both of you has brought baggage from the past to the relationship, effective couples counseling can make the difference in keeping that baggage from destroying your relationship. Effective couples or marriage counseling is help identifying and shedding patterns of behavior that are not serving you well, but are hard to get rid of.

Most of us yearn for a really satisfying primary relationship. Itís not news to any adult that a relationship can be heaven or it can be hell. When it is good, itís so valuable to us that we keep trying to build something with someone in spite of all the difficulties and pain. Itís not that easy to create a stable relationship. Sometimes the most exciting relationships are the most volatile and painful. There are reasons for that which it will help you to understand.

One of the qualities that a good primary relationship can have is to provide sanctuary, a place where you donít have to watch your back. If you and your mate have created a place where there is no safety, it doesnít have to be that way.

A lot of couples end up in endless replays of the blame game. This is something people learn in their family of origin and can get trapped in. The battle around who is to blame just bleeds a relationship of love and trust. Part of the problem is that in fending off blame, we sometimes fail to take personal responsibility. A good couples counselor provides an environment where it is safe to accept responsibility for what you do without feeling like youíre going to end up blamed and discounted. You can feel the difference between accepting responsibility and taking the blame. Accepting responsibility doesnít make you feel like a squirmy kid. The paradox of accepting responsibility is that it gives us back our personal power.

GOALS OF MY MARRIAGE
RELATIONSHIP COUPLES THERAPY

If you just cannot reach each other, I can help you get communication going again. Here are some of the things I do for couples.

1. Recognize where you and your partner are each missing what the other is saying.
2. Lower the intensity of the conflict so you can reach each other.
3. Get beneath the angry words, the hurt withdrawal and the confusion.
4. Identify the patterns unfolding in your relationship.
5. Help you and your partner understand what each is really asking for from the other.
6. Identify baggage either of you brings to the relationship.